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my homies : friends
my music : last.fm
about me : userinfo
the past : archives
memories : are unreliable

Oh, solo mio...

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

This thing is gettin old.... [Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 at 9:58pm]
I don't really post on here except for private entries to myself when I'm too lazy or drunk to write in my actual journal...

But if anyone wants to still keep tabs on me, I am always on facebook, so if we're not fb friends, add me. And now I just got a twitter account, although I'm really only using it to tweet about songs I am listening to, but it's good if you like finding out about good music :)


1 drop - in the ocean.

The government is AWESOME. [Tuesday, June 17th, 2008 at 8:50pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

So I have been "deployed" for this week to a flood disaster call center... two hours away... which I commuted to today. It was terrible. And boring. No one called in. We basically are wasting our time, we could be out there with our chainsaws and steel-toes and trucks helping people but instead we have 10 intelligent, motivated, strong people manning computer desks, doing the job that literally one person could do, for 8 hours a day. Flood victims should know about this kind of time-wasting bullshit that goes on. It'd piss me off more to know that there are people just sitting around who should be helping, but can't because of governmental regulations and various agency wishes.

The only good part of today was that during the car rides we listened to a bunch of CDs from highschool... Alkaline Trio and Backstreet Boys and Maroon 5 and it was fun. I have no idea how many Alk3 concerts I went to in highschool, but it was a lot (and remember when my livejournal name was from the lyrics to Crawl?) And when me and Lesley saw them play Goddamnit and Maybe all the way through in college, it was really fun. They are one of the less embarrassing musical obsessions of my youth, that's for sure.

In other news, I finally saw a doctor and got meds! He basically bitched me out for being off of them for six months, which yes was stupid but the first appointment I could get was June. He actually said, "I have no idea how you survived being so depressed for so long." Which I have thought to myself, often. I guess being so familiar with it (since I've been depressed for ~10 years) makes it easier to function... and also running out of sick days forces me to go to service when I am really ill. Luckily he is going to give me a six month prescription so that when I move to Boulder I have enough time to find a new doc.

Oh yeah, so... I am 90% sure I am moving to Boulder. I need the mountains and especially the sunshine. I have a few acquaintances out there who have offered their support, but logistically it is looking to be a real nightmare. I am pretending that I am much more secure with my decision than I actually am, but anything is better than being here in Indiana!

7 drops - in the ocean.

Writer's Block: Ghost Story [Monday, April 28th, 2008 at 10:31pm]
Do you believe in ghosts? If so, have you ever seen one?
I like this question because I went ghost-hunting (to no avail) last Tuesday night.

When I was 14, my mom's sister passed away. She came back as a cat that lived in our basement (where my room was located) and I soon became aware of this, with possibly one interaction.

When I was a senior in college, I had a lesbian ghost named... shit I can't remember now. Henry? I know, a lesbian with a man's name. Anyways, Henry kissed me on the mouth while I was asleep at 5am. Then she moved the chairs around the laundry room.

On Tuesday we were camping on a haunted lake, Rita Rd, and all this stuff. We went looking, and just had a good time scaring each other, but nothing came of it.

I don't actually believe in ghosts?
in the ocean.

Why livejournal rules, and health vs. weight [Monday, March 31st, 2008 at 6:13pm]
Hello lj,
Long time.

One of my lj/real life friends, tunde, has inspired me to join a fitness/calorie logging website, The Daily Plate. It rulz. Mostly because it informed me that chainsawing burns 400 calories an hour! Exciting! Unfortunately, it has no information on cutting brush, but it does have info on hauling it, which I do a lot of as well.

Anyways... I would like to state that, I passed my "pack test" which is an arduous weight-carrying test used to certify me as a Type II firefighter. Basically you have to carry a 45-lb pack on your back while walking 3 miles, in under 45 minutes. I think my time was 44:29. Regardless, it proved to me that although I have gained quite a bit of weight in the past year, my TNC work has also made me a lot stronger and able to endure difficult physical tasks. I notice it outside of the field too, like carrying groceries or running up and down steps.

Unfortch, this is not reflected in my weight or stature. What I do most days is weight lifting and dragging, and not cardio. So in an effort to reflect on the outside how I feel on the inside, I am going to try and maintain a cardio and free weights routine at home. And eat less - one of the problems with TNC is that you get really hungry.

On another note, I am currently trying to answer that age-old question: "what's next"? I would love to continue restoration work, or other environment-related stuff that is outdoors. I am looking at these places (in order of preference) to move to in August: Boulder, Portland, Washington St, Northern California, Chicago, Michigan. Wherever I find a job, I will move to. And probably prep for grad school. Sigh.
1 drop - in the ocean.

An imaginary conversation with a "Christian" [Friday, March 7th, 2008 at 7:04pm]
Julie: So, where did Easter come from anyways?
Stupid Christian: The bible, when Jesus came back from the dead.
Julie: Right, I understand the fable; but people aren't actually celebrating a story about him returning from the dead, so what is it REALLY about?
Stupid Christian: that is what it is really about.
Julie: So Christians are celebrating a zombie story? Don't they know people can't ACTUALLY return from the dead?
Stupid Christian: Well if they believe Jesus is the son of God then he can.
Julie: Okay HYPOTHETICALLY, but in actuality people can't return from the dead. That's why zombie movies are amazing and fictional. And if Jesus did come back from the dead, he would not be the same Jesus. He would likely be one of a few types of zombies. Maybe Romero's slow-moving, with the ability to learn over time; or maybe like the zombies in 28 Days Later, or maybe like in this comparison: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_Dead#Romero.27s_vs_Russo.27s_Zombies

Regardless, zombies are not real. People don't come back from the dead. So tell me these things: A) How does any "sane" person believe this can happen and B) Why are you bitching about not getting a day off work/school to hang out with your family to celebrate A FICTIONAL STORY ABOUT ZOMBIES?????????
in the ocean.

The Moon. [[acoustic]] [Wednesday, February 20th, 2008 at 10:40pm]
I drove up to the city at night and found the place
Where you grew up and then where you stayed
And we walked around and stayed up late under city lights
I spent the night, next to you in the house where you grew up
Next to you I miraculously woke up
In your parents' house I laid in bed with you

I went back to feel alone there
I went back to wipe it clean
I took the lights and radio towers out of my dreams

And we went all the way up to the small town where I'm from
With foggy air and the wind and the mountain top
We clung to rocks and looked off and you held my hand
You almost got to start feeling me
I finally felt like I was breathing free
Under swaying trees we fell asleep and we had the same dream
The stars were bright, we dream the same every night
On my island home I spent some time with you

I went back to feel alone there
I went back there by myself
I gave up on everything that we'd felt

We found a precious place in the sand right out in the wind
And we laid under a blanket and heard the furious sound
The roar of waves, the pounding surf, two bodies on the earth
It was intense just getting to be there next to you
And you trying to get me then, and I was happy to let you in

I went back and wished I hadn't
I went back and felt regret
I went to the beach and I just stared west

And every night when the sun went down in the town where we lived
The empty streets were lit by reflected light from a distant sun
Bouncing off a glowing ball of rock and we just laid on the roof
And watched the moon, the moon, the blue light of the moon
We didn't talk and silently we both felt powerful
And, like the moon, my chest was full because we both knew
We're just floating in space over molten rock
And we felt safe and we discovered that our skin is soft
There's nothing left except certain death
And that was comforting at night out under the moon

I went out last night to forget that
I went out and stared it down
But the moon stared back at me
And in its light I saw my two feet on the ground.
in the ocean.

Two. [Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 at 3:57am]
The song "Two" reminds me of:

The first time I heard it, when I had no internet for two months, on a local radio station. I was at work, and I blushed, and I was embarrassed for hearing it in front of my co-workers and customers. Because it was supposed to be just between us.

The time I heard it at work, followed by the announcement of Ryan playing in Detroit for a pre-release tour, and fell into a one-day depression. I walked home listening to it on repeat on my headphones. I went over to Ashley's (my friend, not the bar) with a bottle of _____ and drank it and complained about Ryan, and fate, and the sign that meant I would never be with __________ because I was stupid enough to not know about this concert, and Ryan was our "thing", and it was a "sign" - I don't actually believe in bullshit like this, except sometimes I do.

The next day, I went to work, called the radio and won tickets.

Like I said, when I put my mind to it, (and state absurd things to the people around me who doubt me) I can do anything. And WHERE has it gotten me?

I went, and I went again in Ann Arbor in Kzoo, and I went sober and I went drunk, and I made friends and I... unlikely alliances.

And I don't even fucking like singles.

And on a different note, I hate when "Voices" plays on random, and the piano outro does not fade into the piano intro to "Calm Americans." Note to self: Make this one track. Note to self: Stop caring about Elliott, the rest of the world did like four years ago. Note to self: I have not had any of "my" music be trendy or new in... years. And I don't care. Note to self: no one cares. You are not Blake Schwarzenbach, and this comic will forever be about you: http://www.mitchclem.com/nothingnice/41/
1 drop - in the ocean.

This isn't in existence really. [Tuesday, November 13th, 2007 at 11:13pm]
Sometimes I used to write things in here that were not Friends-only. I don't do that anymore, and I barely write in it at all. Hopefully soon I can delete this stupid thing entirely. But in case anyone finds their way here, and in case I want to relive things, I keep it.

I am a pack rat for bad memories, intense emotions, and fleeting moments in time. I tell myself that I hold onto these things for the learning experience. I can grow. I am growing. I study myself like I am an alien from outer space. (Without the anal probes.)

I am turning 23 next month. Not a significant age, but too old to consider myself a dumb college kid anymore. Old enough to declare that yes, I have figured out what I want out of life, generally... but no, I have not yet figured out how to obtain it, specifically.

Wither, I'm a flower.
in the ocean.

[Thursday, June 21st, 2007 at 11:47am]
I saw Ryan Adams last night.

I can't really say anything more about it... it was my last major goal in life and now I don't know what to do with myself. I'm more in love with him than ever, surprise surprise. Also I like clean sober Ryan a lot.

Hmm.... more later.

I got into Envirocorps for next fall. I also have a second job at Salvation Army for the rest of summer. I also have 2 guinea pigs named Turtle and Drama.

in the ocean.

SPOILER-ISH: Spidey 3 [Friday, May 4th, 2007 at 2:47am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I am starting a campaign to have Spidey's eyeliner digitally removed from all future showings of Spider-man 3. WHO'S WITH ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I honestly don't even remember what happened because I was so busy being annoyed with the Pete Wentz/Robert Smith hair/liner... THANKS A LOT FOR RUINING MY VIEWING EXPERIENCE!!!!! Seriously, that entire 30 minutes should have been left on the cutting room floor.

First X-Men 3, now this... if Pirates 3 is sub-par as well, I WILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF. This is a legitimate threat. Pirates 3 better save all trilogies everywhere.


P.S. Drunkst is a fugly whore and is not worth saving, especially if trying to save her means killing hot ass boys who are actually good characters and not Garbage Pail Kid looking pieces of shit. But she ruined the first 2 movies for me so at least I expected to be annoyed with that.

in the ocean.

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